How does your partner impact your sobriety? Are they positive and supportive or are they negative and destructive?
I do believe that how someone deals with their partners sobriety says a lot about their own drinking habits and relationship with alcohol. But their support or lack of it can definitely affect your success rate when kicking the booze.
Luckily my other half isn’t a big drinker. He has always been able to drink in moderation, unlike me who didn’t know when to stop. Now I’m not saying he hasn’t had blow outs and hangovers from hell but they are very few and far between. So when I decided to give up he was very supportive, and since then he has been drinking a lot less himself. It’s clear that I was the main drinker, the one who encouraged him to drink alcohol more often so that I wasn’t drinking on my own.
So when I decided to stop, it was easy for him to cut down. So say if we were staying in all weekend, he could easily just not drink, which in the early days was a huge support for me because it just removed alcohol from the situation and out-of-the-way of temptation.
Now if it was the other way round and he had decided to stop drinking and not me, I just know my drinking habits wouldn’t have changed. I would probably have ended up drinking more because I would be annoyed that he had stopped, if you know what I mean? And I am not sure how that would have worked in our relationship? So luckily for us it’s me that decided to be teetotal and not him!!
Since I set up my blog I have had several emails that mention lack of support from their partner being an issue. And it must make it so difficult. I mean when you’re having a moment of weakness you need someone to say ” don’t have a drink, you have come so far” you don’t need to hear “come on, who are you trying to kid, you will never do it, let me get you a drink!” Or words to that effect.
I’ve also had messages saying that alcohol was such a big part in their relationship that once it’s removed it leaves a gaping hole, a void, leaving people thinking ‘what can we do now?’
And it is true, if a lot of your time was spent socializing in the pub or having long, leisurely meals over a couple of bottles of wine, then yes you may need to get your thinking caps on and come up with some alternative date nights! Try things you’ve never done before, go to different places, just enjoy the time together, just the two of you (and if you’ve got kids most importantly the kid free time!!)
We don’t have date nights very often, possibly once a month. The pictures above were taken last Friday night, our date night. We were planning on going to the cinema, however the film options were not very good so we decided on a walk at a beautiful seaside town close by. It was a gorgeous night (the UK has had an amazing summer so far!) and we managed a 6k walk, then found a restaurant that served the best apple crumble and sat and had it with a coffee before we walked another 6k back to the car. As nights out go it wasn’t my wildest, but it was a really lovely night and we chatted a lot and reconnected with whats going on in our busy lives. I would say a perfect date night, but I’ve got to keep it real and be honest – we argued and I sulked for the first ten minutes because my husband hates me taking all the pictures!! He’s not a selfie lover!! Ha ha!! Apart from that it was a fab night, and I would NEVER had done that if I was drinking, EVER!
Being sober for me just opens up so many other options for a date night, going to different places, cinema nights, walks and shopping! And it’s so much better than going to the same old pubs, getting drunk and talking the same dribble or arguing over nothing and waking up to remember none of it the next day!
So what’s your experience with your partner on your sober journey? Are they supportive or are they sabotaging your sober attempts? If they are ask them why? Could they have a problem with their own drinking, maybe encourage them to do it with you? Discuss what you can do with all the money that you will save! It may be that they are just afraid of you changing, are you going to be a different person? Will you end up doing different things?! Well probably YES, but that can be a good thing not a bad thing!
I know that being sober has made our relationship stronger in severaly ways:-
- We argue a lot less. When I was in that sort of mood, after a drink I would argue about anything and just not let it go.
- We get to do different things together on nights out and as a family as a whole.
- I have saved us a fortune, we all know alcohol isn’t cheap!
- And probably the best thing for my husband is that he has his very own personal taxi driver, free of charge!!!
So if your struggling, sit and talk together. Believe me, stopping drinking will only benefit you and your realtionship.
I hope it’s a healthy week for you all!
PS ( to those who read my last post, and to the people who messaged and commented, to wish me luck, I am so pleased to say I got the all clear yesterday and there’s nothing to worry about! Woo hoo!)
8 thoughts on “Support Or Sabotage?….”
I will be 28 days sober tomorrow and although my husband, eventually, was supportive it hasn’t stopped him drinking wine every night. After several failed attempts in the beginning myself I lost it with thim and said I was never going to be able to start being sober if he kept bringing home wine every night. After a row of epic proportions he came home the next night with a crate of Becks Blue and even drank those with me. Now that we are both more confident in my sobriety he has drifted back to his usual amount of nightly wine. I don’t mind. He did mention this week that he might have the week off wine with me, but it hasn’t happened. BUT he is obviously thinking about it more and that’s a start. I guess everyone is ready when they’re ready. Huge congrats on 6 months.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi! Firstly congratulations on 28 days sober that’s amazing!! 🤩And it sounds like your husband is on the right track too! Like you said at least he’s thinking about taking a break 👍🏻 And yes when your ready it actually seems straight forward to give up, well I found it easier this time than all the other times I had tried to give up. Hopefully you are reaping the benefits and feeling good now your at 28 days, I will be 20 months on Saturday and I honestly do not miss one thing about drinking and the person it made me. Keep up the fab work and keep me posted! Massive congratulations and big hugs 💗 Angie xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Angie. Yes I have tried and failed so many times before but my head wasn’t really in it. Even if I thought about 28 days, which I have never made it to so far, tomorrow will be a first, I still had an occasion in my mind that I couldn’t envision NOT drinking at. A wedding, a birthday, a holiday….I knew I’d be drinking. This time it feels different. This time I can picture myself doing those things AF and, shock horror, possibly enjoying it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fantastic!!! You know what I panicked about when I first gave up, not toasting my daughters when they get married!!! They are only 8 & 11 and even younger when I first stopped!!! 😂 crazy isn’t it how your mind can work and talk you out of things!!! Your doing amazing, keep me posted on your journey!! 👍🏻x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved this post. Your husband sounds similar to mine in that he has this alien ability to moderate his alcohol intake! I’ve not had a drink for 173 days (I think I need to start counting that in months 😂) My husband has been incredibly supportive, particularly as drinking was one of our “things”. He’s definitely cut back but still has the occasional wine. From my experience it helps if you’ve got the support and they’ve got the designated driver. Winning!
So happy to hear that you got the all clear.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi!!! Ahhh thankyou! Yes they do sound very similar, we are very lucky! 173 days that’s amazing, well done you! (I counted in days upto a year and then went to months, as long as the number is going up that’s all that matters.!😂) you must be feeling fab now and reaping the benefits of sober living, keep going it just gets better! 💗😊🙌🏼
I made it to 3 days then my (t-total) husband brought me home some wine as a treat as I’d had a bad day (school holiday hell). I gave in, I can’t have anything in the house that I’m giving up, no willpower. Trying again (day 2 today).
Hi! You may feel like that at the start but your willpower will get stronger the longer stop. Day 2 is good, just take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Maybe get some backs blue or no alcohol wine and have it ready in the fridge. For a long time I would get panicky on a Friday night if I didn’t have becks blue In the fridge!! And what does it matter if you drink the lot! Just do whatever it takes to get this weekend under your belt and I promise by Monday you will feel much stronger. Maybe a bit of retail therapy, a bath, chocolate or a walk would help to destress? Just do whatever it takes. It gets so much easier with time. Please let me know how you get on, big hugs and I’ve every confidence that you can do this xxxx